Feeding the Queen's Geese

It was a damp and dreary Wednesday evening here in Oxford. After my usual sausage roll and Scotch I prepared for my daily mully-goggle. Bottle of lotion to my left, box of tissues to my right, and my computer monitor glaring at me. "To who do I owe this pleasure," I mutter aloud. With a flimsy conny-plugger in hand I surf the internet.

My home page opens to the Times (the London Times, not the New York Times you jingoist twaffle-headed Americans). My mind instantly forgets the task at hand and focuses on an article about McCain's VP nominee, Sarah Palin. Switching gears from the perverse to the political, I read about this harrowing woman's dull backstory. She apparently switched college 6 times in 6 years, once from a school in Hawaii because she didn't know the college was on the rainy side of the island (On a side note this could provide a good excuse to pull out of Iraq: "I didn't know Iraq was in the sandy part of the world! Gross!").

I read on, completely ashamed that my country associates with a nation seriously considering electing this puddlelark, when I come across this picture. Her teeth glisten like a dooleynugget. The bun sits perfectly atop her head. The bangs fall gracefully beyond the brow. Unbeknownst to me, my inattentive gully-raker fattens up my grip! I'm rentin' a fanny-meegler to what might be the next Vice President of the United States!

And then it hits me! Should John McCain win the election just a might fortnights away, Sarah Palin could make history. Not as the first female Vice President - that's pappycock compared to what is really going on here. This occasion will mark the first time ever a heterosexual male can feed the Queen's geese to a snap of the Vice President of the United States!

Ever humbly,

J. Jergle

P.S. Sorry Dick, your jacksies are just a bit bungly for me to squid the wiggles! Maybe if you toss the dooly wellside I'll give a chad ;)